4 Steps to Parenting a Happy & Successful Teen
Who says that parents can’t be the difference in their teenagers’ lives? If you’re looking for positive, practical ways to help your teen become happy and successful, read ahead …
1. You must help your teen think big!
“There are two lasting bequests we can give our children. One is roots. The other is wings.” --Hodding Carter
Is your kid the next Shakespeare? Does he scowl when the relatives say, “So, you’re going to be a teacher” when he tells him that he wants to major in English Literature while in college? Did you ever imagine that he could become a greeting card writer/entrepreneur and market a brand new line of humor cards toward the big-hearted but less-than-poetic male species? He could build a media empire around a brand like that! If he ever gets that idea or an idea like it into his head, that is …
2. You must encourage your teen to have fun
“Getting there isn’t half the fun -- it’s all the fun.” --Robert Townsend
Between school, friends, extracurricular activities and trying to figure out what to do with the rest of their lives, being a teenager is no easy task. When I recently interviewed a 17-year-old for an article on school pressure, I asked her, “What’s your greatest worry with regard to grades?” She responded, “Probably my parents yelling at me. I have to work up to their standards.” Parents: Did you know that stress is the number one impediment to academic success? If you want your child to excel in school, encourage her to balance work with fun. Discourage her from overloading her schedule with too many activities and take that free time to relax. Read a book for pleasure, bike with friends or take the dog and go for a walk. This idle time will allow your teen to go back to her studies with renewed vigor and clarity. She’ll probably make some great memories in the process, too.
3. You must encourage your teen to love learning
“I've never let my school interfere with my education.” --Mark Twain
Any student who studies for hours to get straight A’s but doesn’t really ask herself why she’s working so hard is really doing a huge disservice to herself. Denise Clark Pope, author of Doing School: How We Are Creating a Generation of Stressed-Out, Materialistic, and Miseducated Students says that kids need to be put through a series of reflective exercises that help them to look at the bigger picture. Parents can certainly aid in this process. Advice: Try sitting down as a family to answer questions like, “How do I define success?” “What do I think makes for a happy life?” “What do I want out of an education?” “What am I most proud of?” While getting good grades is important, encouraging your child to try new things and to take courses she really likes will go a long way in instilling her with a lifelong love of learning. That alone will carry her to success beyond her wildest dreams!
4. You must allow your teen to see you -- flaws and all
“To bring up a child in the way he should go, travel that way yourself once in a while.” --Josh Billings
Can you remember the last time you leapt before you looked? How good it felt to meet a new challenge head on without your inner critic there to spread some cynicism and talk you out of taking that one great chance? We all get a few precious years when we’re young to be completely fearless simply because we don’t know any better. Then our own perfectionism prevents us from realizing true innovation. If you want your teen to ease up on himself, show him the way. Take a deep breath, face your demons and choose to ease up on yourself. Let your children see your flaws and, more importantly, let them see that you can laugh at your flaws. Perhaps the next time your teen faces a new challenge he’ll remember to emulate his one great fearless role model … YOU!
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5 Stress Busters Every Student Needs Now
For high school and college students, stress is often inescapable. Between mounds of homework, that crappy retail job, work study, and trying to figure out what you want to do with the rest of your life … um, headache anyone? However, how we choose to deal with stress is totally within our control. If you’re looking for some tips on how to lower your stress levels, read ahead:
1. Wage war with your mirror. Want to stress less about your body? Strip your mirror’s power over you. Understand that how we see ourselves in a mirror determines how we see ourselves in every aspect of our lives. If we spend twenty minutes in front of a mirror criticizing every inch of our bodies, how can we possibly act confidently once we leave our bedrooms? Self-assured women and men know that self-love is the key to success. Tip: Stand in front of your mirror and say, “I am beautiful – flaws and all” for as long as it takes you to believe it.
2. Don’t overload your schedule. Whether that means cutting back on extracurricular activities, giving up your part-time job, or simply learning better time management skills, every student should find the right work/life balance that best suits your needs. Listen to your body. It’ll tell you loud and clear if it’s being taxed. College students: Be especially careful not to take on too many classes in one semester. I double majored in English and History and picked up a minor in Writing. By my last semester of my senior year, I needed 18 credit hours to graduate on time. So I overloaded my schedule on top of working part-time. The stress was WAY too much and I cracked.
3. Stay out of the credit card trap. I know, I know. They keep sending you these great credit card offers in the mail with the promise of a free t-shirt and that book you need to buy for Chem. 1 is $120 and you just spent your last cent on dinner with friends the night before and your parents will shoot you if you call home to beg for more cash. Credit cards are tempting and there’s nothing wrong with owning a couple as long as you exercise caution. Tip: Don’t charge more than you know you can pay off when the bill is due. Otherwise, you’ll end up paying around 20% interest. Plus, if you simply pay the minimum payment (or worse, rack up late fees), that $60 jacket you charged six months ago will end up costing you way more than you ever imagined. Did you know that the average credit card debt owed by college students is about $2,700, with close to a quarter of students owing more than $3,000? About 10 percent owed more than $7,000! That’s not even including your student loans. Bottom Line: Pay cash whenever you can and keep your plastic on ice!
4. Catch up on some ZZZs. Did you know that sleep problems are generally the most common physical complaint of college students – and of the rest of the general U.S. population? Of course you know this, as you’re lying awake at night watching the clock! Maybe you didn’t know that a lack of sleep could actually cause student anxiety and depression. Staying out all night on the weekends and then trying to get up early for class on Monday screws up your body’s biological clock and set’s you up for insomnia. Advice: Try to go to bed around the same time each night. If you have to stay up super late each night to squeeze in homework and study time, that should be a clue for you that you’re taking on too much. Look at your extracurriculars, class load and other activities and see if there’s something you could cut back on to free up some relaxation time. Sleep is a non-negotiable essential.
5. Get moving. Richard Kadison, M.D., author of College of the Overwhelmed: The Campus Mental Health Crisis and What To Do About It, says that there’s good evidence for milder forms of depression, four days of 30 minutes of cardiovascular exercise works as well as antidepressant medication. Exercise doesn’t have to mean running on a treadmill for 30 minutes or sweating on a stair master. Students: Don’t have time to go to the gym? Go outside and take a 20-minute walk, squeeze in a 30-minute exercise video in between classes or grab a friend and take a bike ride. Only have 10 minutes to spare? Pop in your favorite CD and dance around your dorm room. The laugh you’ll get from this exercise may be all you need to keep stress at bay.
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