Campus Calm Community
Where students speak out about grades, stress and personal well-being

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Who says that parents can’t be the difference in their teenagers’ lives? If you’re looking for positive, practical ways to help your teen become happy and successful, read ahead …

1. You must help your teen think big!

“There are two lasting bequests we can give our children. One is roots. The other is wings.” --Hodding Carter

Is your kid the next Shakespeare? Does he scowl when the relatives say, “So, you’re going to be a teacher” when he tells him that he wants to major in English Literature while in college? Did you ever imagine that he could become a greeting card writer/entrepreneur and market a brand new line of humor cards toward the big-hearted but less-than-poetic male species? He could build a media empire around a brand like that! If he ever gets that idea or an idea like it into his head, that is …

2. You must encourage your teen to have fun

“Getting there isn’t half the fun -- it’s all the fun.” --Robert Townsend

Between school, friends, extracurricular activities and trying to figure out what to do with the rest of their lives, being a teenager is no easy task. When I recently interviewed a 17-year-old for an article on school pressure, I asked her, “What’s your greatest worry with regard to grades?” She responded, “Probably my parents yelling at me. I have to work up to their standards.” Parents: Did you know that stress is the number one impediment to academic success? If you want your child to excel in school, encourage her to balance work with fun. Discourage her from overloading her schedule with too many activities and take that free time to relax. Read a book for pleasure, bike with friends or take the dog and go for a walk. This idle time will allow your teen to go back to her studies with renewed vigor and clarity. She’ll probably make some great memories in the process, too.

3. You must encourage your teen to love learning

“I've never let my school interfere with my education.” --Mark Twain

Any student who studies for hours to get straight A’s but doesn’t really ask herself why she’s working so hard is really doing a huge disservice to herself. Denise Clark Pope, author of Doing School: How We Are Creating a Generation of Stressed-Out, Materialistic, and Miseducated Students says that kids need to be put through a series of reflective exercises that help them to look at the bigger picture. Parents can certainly aid in this process. Advice: Try sitting down as a family to answer questions like, “How do I define success?” “What do I think makes for a happy life?” “What do I want out of an education?” “What am I most proud of?” While getting good grades is important, encouraging your child to try new things and to take courses she really likes will go a long way in instilling her with a lifelong love of learning. That alone will carry her to success beyond her wildest dreams!

4. You must allow your teen to see you -- flaws and all

“To bring up a child in the way he should go, travel that way yourself once in a while.” --Josh Billings

Can you remember the last time you leapt before you looked? How good it felt to meet a new challenge head on without your inner critic there to spread some cynicism and talk you out of taking that one great chance? We all get a few precious years when we’re young to be completely fearless simply because we don’t know any better. Then our own perfectionism prevents us from realizing true innovation. If you want your teen to ease up on himself, show him the way. Take a deep breath, face your demons and choose to ease up on yourself. Let your children see your flaws and, more importantly, let them see that you can laugh at your flaws. Perhaps the next time your teen faces a new challenge he’ll remember to emulate his one great fearless role model … YOU!

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For high school and college students, stress is often inescapable. Between mounds of homework, that crappy retail job, work study, and trying to figure out what you want to do with the rest of your life … um, headache anyone? However, how we choose to deal with stress is totally within our control. If you’re looking for some tips on how to lower your stress levels, read ahead:

1. Wage war with your mirror. Want to stress less about your body? Strip your mirror’s power over you. Understand that how we see ourselves in a mirror determines how we see ourselves in every aspect of our lives. If we spend twenty minutes in front of a mirror criticizing every inch of our bodies, how can we possibly act confidently once we leave our bedrooms? Self-assured women and men know that self-love is the key to success. Tip: Stand in front of your mirror and say, “I am beautiful – flaws and all” for as long as it takes you to believe it.

2. Don’t overload your schedule. Whether that means cutting back on extracurricular activities, giving up your part-time job, or simply learning better time management skills, every student should find the right work/life balance that best suits your needs. Listen to your body. It’ll tell you loud and clear if it’s being taxed. College students: Be especially careful not to take on too many classes in one semester. I double majored in English and History and picked up a minor in Writing. By my last semester of my senior year, I needed 18 credit hours to graduate on time. So I overloaded my schedule on top of working part-time. The stress was WAY too much and I cracked.

3. Stay out of the credit card trap. I know, I know. They keep sending you these great credit card offers in the mail with the promise of a free t-shirt and that book you need to buy for Chem. 1 is $120 and you just spent your last cent on dinner with friends the night before and your parents will shoot you if you call home to beg for more cash. Credit cards are tempting and there’s nothing wrong with owning a couple as long as you exercise caution. Tip: Don’t charge more than you know you can pay off when the bill is due. Otherwise, you’ll end up paying around 20% interest. Plus, if you simply pay the minimum payment (or worse, rack up late fees), that $60 jacket you charged six months ago will end up costing you way more than you ever imagined. Did you know that the average credit card debt owed by college students is about $2,700, with close to a quarter of students owing more than $3,000? About 10 percent owed more than $7,000! That’s not even including your student loans. Bottom Line: Pay cash whenever you can and keep your plastic on ice!

4. Catch up on some ZZZs. Did you know that sleep problems are generally the most common physical complaint of college students – and of the rest of the general U.S. population? Of course you know this, as you’re lying awake at night watching the clock! Maybe you didn’t know that a lack of sleep could actually cause student anxiety and depression. Staying out all night on the weekends and then trying to get up early for class on Monday screws up your body’s biological clock and set’s you up for insomnia. Advice: Try to go to bed around the same time each night. If you have to stay up super late each night to squeeze in homework and study time, that should be a clue for you that you’re taking on too much. Look at your extracurriculars, class load and other activities and see if there’s something you could cut back on to free up some relaxation time. Sleep is a non-negotiable essential.

5. Get moving. Richard Kadison, M.D., author of College of the Overwhelmed: The Campus Mental Health Crisis and What To Do About It, says that there’s good evidence for milder forms of depression, four days of 30 minutes of cardiovascular exercise works as well as antidepressant medication. Exercise doesn’t have to mean running on a treadmill for 30 minutes or sweating on a stair master. Students: Don’t have time to go to the gym? Go outside and take a 20-minute walk, squeeze in a 30-minute exercise video in between classes or grab a friend and take a bike ride. Only have 10 minutes to spare? Pop in your favorite CD and dance around your dorm room. The laugh you’ll get from this exercise may be all you need to keep stress at bay.

Leave me a comment below and share your thoughts. I'd LOVE to discuss this with you.

Several years ago, I sat on the sidelines and watched other women light up rooms. They weren't stunning in the way that women are supposed to be, but they had this beauty about them that I just couldn't pinpoint. All I knew was that I was lacking in it. It was body confidence, I later found out -- a confidence I embrace today, knowing full well how long it took me to find.

When I was 13 years old, something as minor as a pimple could leave me moping for hours. I wore heavy makeup to conceal my acne -- so much so that I could spend an hour in the bathroom before school to make sure every blotch on my face was hidden. 'Friends' at school called me "zit face" to be cruel; I tried to ignore them, but I knew it was true. When I looked in the mirror, I saw a pale comparison of the girl I used to be.

That year, our school took a three-day field trip to Washington D.C., where we stayed at a hotel with a swimming pool. I wasn't embarrassed to be seen in a swimsuit, but I always wore a t-shirt to hide the acne that scattered my arms and back. As my right foot skimmed the cool water, the lifeguard yelled, "Sorry, it's against hotel policy to wear t-shirts in the pool." I watched my friends splash around, confident with their flawless skin and knew I could never expose myself. I faked a stomachache and bolted for the privacy of my hotel bathroom. Outraged, I peeled off my t-shirt to unmask scabbed, irritated skin. I cursed the imperfect reflection in the bathroom mirror. I screamed, "I HATE you! You're SO ugly!"

By the time I turned 15, the acne had vanished thanks to medication. Eventually, the scars faded to the background. When I looked in the mirror, I saw a face that was pretty again, but a body that was all wrong. I discovered in a dressing room that at 130 pounds, I was too fat for my 5'2'' body.

"I'm hideous!" I moaned to my mother, creaking the dressing room door open so she could see my fat thighs in the sparkly black mini. Sigh.

"No you're not," she reassured, smiling sadly. She suggested that exercise might make me feel better.

I bought exercise videos and gave up ice cream and chocolate, those sinful foods women aren't supposed to eat. In the high school cafeteria, I ate dry turkey subs (the cafeteria didn't offer low-fat mayo packets), skim milk, and cups of pineapples. My taller and thinner girlfriend enjoyed chocolate milk, fries, and Doritos. She also went to bed at night with her makeup on and never saw a pimple in her life. Talk about fairness.

By age 20, I maintained a stable weight of 120 pounds and accepted my short legs. I then obsessed about my too-small chest! At a small 34B, I felt my body would be better if only my breasts were larger like women on magazine covers and on television. I'd never been a sucker for gimmicks, never chanted, "I must, I must, I must increase my bust" while squeezing my pecks but an obsession had taken hold.

I bought padded bras, gel-filled inserts, and pills promising to increase bust-size (they didn't). I contemplated breast augmentation. Small breasts signified something was missing -- a scaled down version of femininity, I was sure.

Then in college, I devoured books about America's obsessive quest for physical beauty and how impossible standards hurt women and girls. Something as insignificant as a mirror holds the power to control our self-image. A piece of glass can determine how we feel about ourselves. I had enough. FINALLY.

I stood before my bedroom mirror, stripped of clothing, exposed to myself. I studied my body slowly, trying to see beyond the pain and insecurity to find what remained -- just me.

I saw my father's deep brown eyes, my mother's thick brown hair, and full lips that reveal a fantastic smile when I'm happy enough to show it off. I saw thin, shapely arms sprinkled with nineteen beauty marks, a flat stomach, and small breasts proportional to my body. I turned around. Sure, my behind was a teensy bit bigger than I would have liked, but it certainly wasn't anything to be ashamed of. My legs were short, but I liked how toned they looked. They were petite and curvy. At that moment, I finally just saw me. Perhaps for the first time in my life, I accepted myself as a beautifully flawed woman.

When I was a teenager, one of my best friends had a beautiful dancer's body. She flaunted long graceful legs, small hips, and a flat bottom -- everything I had always wanted. Imagine my surprise when she confided that she was jealous of me!

"Are you SERIOUS?" I gasped, inspecting myself in her dresser mirror. "You're tall and can eat anything you want and never gain a pound. Your legs are so thin."

"But you're curvy," she responded. "Guys look at you." A single tear glided down her left cheek as she pulled her long legs close to her chest. She grabbed her favorite teddy bear from her bed and ran her fingers through its soft white fur, careful to avert my gaze. I didn't have the courage to tell her the truth, so I let the silence hang between us until she changed the subject. We eventually drifted apart.

I should have told her, "Imagine how amazing we both could feel if we saw in ourselves what others have seen all along." My younger self never did, and my older self wishes I would have.

At age 27, I find loving my body means accepting that it will NEVER be perfect. No matter how much I work out, I accept that my behind will never look flawless, like bronzed goddesses on television. I'll never look like a supermodel, but I don't care. I'm real and when I brush past a mirror, I'm finally comfortable with everything I see. Thankfully, my surrendered battle with the mirror empowers me to focus on more important aspects of my life ...

Like realizing my dreams.

"I finally realized that being grateful to my body was key to giving more love to myself."
Oprah Winfrey

Let's discuss:

• How important do you think a positive body image is to your success?
• Do you have a positive body image? Why or why not?
• Have you ever let your body insecurities stop you from realizing a dream?
• Can you name a few role models who maintain a positive body image? What can you take from them to implement in your own life?
• What do you think makes a person beautiful?

Leave me feedback at the end of this entry. I'd love to hear from you!