Campus Calm Community http://creativetypeco.com/blog/index.php Feeling the pressure of making the grade? Join the Campus Calm Community to destress, gain perspective and reclaim your life. en-US hourly 1 2000-01-01T12:00+00:00 New Campus Calm Website Is Up! http://creativetypeco.com/blog/index.php/2007/04/04/new_campus_calm_website_is_up 2007-04-04T17:44:40Z Maria Pascucci Body Image http://www.campuscalm.com Hey Guys, I wanted to give you all a heads up that the new Campus Calm website is up and running! Check it out by clicking the image below. Don't forget to click on the "sound off" link and download your free goodie! Leave me feedback at the end of this entry. I'd love to hear from you! http://www.campuscalm.com

Hey Guys,

I wanted to give you all a heads up that the new Campus Calm website is up and running! Check it out by clicking the image below. Don't forget to click on the "sound off" link and download your free goodie!

Stress-less at Campus Calm

Leave me feedback at the end of this entry. I'd love to hear from you!

Maria signature

]]> 4 Steps to Parenting a Happy & Successful Teen http://creativetypeco.com/blog/index.php/2007/01/17/4_steps_to_parenting_a_happy_aamp_succes 2007-01-17T15:55:25Z Maria Pascucci Body Image http://www.campuscalm.com Who says that parents can’t be the difference in their teenagers’ lives? If you’re looking for positive, practical ways to help your teen become happy and successful, read ahead … 1. You must help your teen think big! “There are two lasting bequests we can give our children. One is roots. The other is wings.” --Hodding Carter Is your kid the next Shakespeare? Does he scowl when the relatives say, “So, you’re going to be a teacher” when he tells him that he wants to major in English Literature while in college? Did you ever imagine that he could become a greeting card writer/entrepreneur and market a brand new line of humor cards toward the big-hearted but less-than-poetic male species? He could build a media empire around a brand like that! If he ever gets that idea or an idea like it into his head, that is … 2. You must encourage your teen to have fun “Getting there isn’t half the fun -- it’s all the fun.” --Robert Townsend Between school, friends, extracurricular activities and trying to figure out what to do with the rest of their lives, being a teenager is no easy task. When I recently interviewed a 17-year-old for an article on school pressure, I asked her, “What’s your greatest worry with regard to grades?” She responded, “Probably my parents yelling at me. I have to work up to their standards.” Parents: Did you know that stress is the number one impediment to academic success? If you want your child to excel in school, encourage her to balance work with fun. Discourage her from overloading her schedule with too many activities and take that free time to relax. Read a book for pleasure, bike with friends or take the dog and go for a walk. This idle time will allow your teen to go back to her studies with renewed vigor and clarity. She’ll probably make some great memories in the process, too. 3. You must encourage your teen to love learning “I've never let my school interfere with my education.” --Mark Twain Any student who studies for hours to get straight A’s but doesn’t really ask herself why she’s working so hard is really doing a huge disservice to herself. Denise Clark Pope, author of Doing School: How We Are Creating a Generation of Stressed-Out, Materialistic, and Miseducated Students says that kids need to be put through a series of reflective exercises that help them to look at the bigger picture. Parents can certainly aid in this process. Advice: Try sitting down as a family to answer questions like, “How do I define success?” “What do I think makes for a happy life?” “What do I want out of an education?” “What am I most proud of?” While getting good grades is important, encouraging your child to try new things and to take courses she really likes will go a long way in instilling her with a lifelong love of learning. That alone will carry her to success beyond her wildest dreams! 4. You must allow your teen to see you -- flaws and all “To bring up a child in the way he should go, travel that way yourself once in a while.” --Josh Billings Can you remember the last time you leapt before you looked? How good it felt to meet a new challenge head on without your inner critic there to spread some cynicism and talk you out of taking that one great chance? We all get a few precious years when we’re young to be completely fearless simply because we don’t know any better. Then our own perfectionism prevents us from realizing true innovation. If you want your teen to ease up on himself, show him the way. Take a deep breath, face your demons and choose to ease up on yourself. Let your children see your flaws and, more importantly, let them see that you can laugh at your flaws. Perhaps the next time your teen faces a new challenge he’ll remember to emulate his one great fearless role model … YOU! Leave me feedback at the end of this entry. I'd love to hear from you! http://www.campuscalm.com

Who says that parents can’t be the difference in their teenagers’ lives? If you’re looking for positive, practical ways to help your teen become happy and successful, read ahead …

1. You must help your teen think big!

“There are two lasting bequests we can give our children. One is roots. The other is wings.” --Hodding Carter

Is your kid the next Shakespeare? Does he scowl when the relatives say, “So, you’re going to be a teacher” when he tells him that he wants to major in English Literature while in college? Did you ever imagine that he could become a greeting card writer/entrepreneur and market a brand new line of humor cards toward the big-hearted but less-than-poetic male species? He could build a media empire around a brand like that! If he ever gets that idea or an idea like it into his head, that is …

2. You must encourage your teen to have fun

“Getting there isn’t half the fun -- it’s all the fun.” --Robert Townsend

Between school, friends, extracurricular activities and trying to figure out what to do with the rest of their lives, being a teenager is no easy task. When I recently interviewed a 17-year-old for an article on school pressure, I asked her, “What’s your greatest worry with regard to grades?” She responded, “Probably my parents yelling at me. I have to work up to their standards.” Parents: Did you know that stress is the number one impediment to academic success? If you want your child to excel in school, encourage her to balance work with fun. Discourage her from overloading her schedule with too many activities and take that free time to relax. Read a book for pleasure, bike with friends or take the dog and go for a walk. This idle time will allow your teen to go back to her studies with renewed vigor and clarity. She’ll probably make some great memories in the process, too.

3. You must encourage your teen to love learning

“I've never let my school interfere with my education.” --Mark Twain

Any student who studies for hours to get straight A’s but doesn’t really ask herself why she’s working so hard is really doing a huge disservice to herself. Denise Clark Pope, author of Doing School: How We Are Creating a Generation of Stressed-Out, Materialistic, and Miseducated Students says that kids need to be put through a series of reflective exercises that help them to look at the bigger picture. Parents can certainly aid in this process. Advice: Try sitting down as a family to answer questions like, “How do I define success?” “What do I think makes for a happy life?” “What do I want out of an education?” “What am I most proud of?” While getting good grades is important, encouraging your child to try new things and to take courses she really likes will go a long way in instilling her with a lifelong love of learning. That alone will carry her to success beyond her wildest dreams!

4. You must allow your teen to see you -- flaws and all

“To bring up a child in the way he should go, travel that way yourself once in a while.” --Josh Billings

Can you remember the last time you leapt before you looked? How good it felt to meet a new challenge head on without your inner critic there to spread some cynicism and talk you out of taking that one great chance? We all get a few precious years when we’re young to be completely fearless simply because we don’t know any better. Then our own perfectionism prevents us from realizing true innovation. If you want your teen to ease up on himself, show him the way. Take a deep breath, face your demons and choose to ease up on yourself. Let your children see your flaws and, more importantly, let them see that you can laugh at your flaws. Perhaps the next time your teen faces a new challenge he’ll remember to emulate his one great fearless role model … YOU!

Leave me feedback at the end of this entry. I'd love to hear from you!

Maria signature

]]> 5 Stress Busters Every Student Needs Now http://creativetypeco.com/blog/index.php/2007/01/02/5_stress_busters_every_student_needs_now 2007-01-02T16:41:55Z Maria Pascucci Body Image http://www.campuscalm.com For high school and college students, stress is often inescapable. Between mounds of homework, that crappy retail job, work study, and trying to figure out what you want to do with the rest of your life … um, headache anyone? However, how we choose to deal with stress is totally within our control. If you’re looking for some tips on how to lower your stress levels, read ahead: 1. Wage war with your mirror. Want to stress less about your body? Strip your mirror’s power over you. Understand that how we see ourselves in a mirror determines how we see ourselves in every aspect of our lives. If we spend twenty minutes in front of a mirror criticizing every inch of our bodies, how can we possibly act confidently once we leave our bedrooms? Self-assured women and men know that self-love is the key to success. Tip: Stand in front of your mirror and say, “I am beautiful – flaws and all” for as long as it takes you to believe it. 2. Don’t overload your schedule. Whether that means cutting back on extracurricular activities, giving up your part-time job, or simply learning better time management skills, every student should find the right work/life balance that best suits your needs. Listen to your body. It’ll tell you loud and clear if it’s being taxed. College students: Be especially careful not to take on too many classes in one semester. I double majored in English and History and picked up a minor in Writing. By my last semester of my senior year, I needed 18 credit hours to graduate on time. So I overloaded my schedule on top of working part-time. The stress was WAY too much and I cracked. 3. Stay out of the credit card trap. I know, I know. They keep sending you these great credit card offers in the mail with the promise of a free t-shirt and that book you need to buy for Chem. 1 is $120 and you just spent your last cent on dinner with friends the night before and your parents will shoot you if you call home to beg for more cash. Credit cards are tempting and there’s nothing wrong with owning a couple as long as you exercise caution. Tip: Don’t charge more than you know you can pay off when the bill is due. Otherwise, you’ll end up paying around 20% interest. Plus, if you simply pay the minimum payment (or worse, rack up late fees), that $60 jacket you charged six months ago will end up costing you way more than you ever imagined. Did you know that the average credit card debt owed by college students is about $2,700, with close to a quarter of students owing more than $3,000? About 10 percent owed more than $7,000! That’s not even including your student loans. Bottom Line: Pay cash whenever you can and keep your plastic on ice! 4. Catch up on some ZZZs. Did you know that sleep problems are generally the most common physical complaint of college students – and of the rest of the general U.S. population? Of course you know this, as you’re lying awake at night watching the clock! Maybe you didn’t know that a lack of sleep could actually cause student anxiety and depression. Staying out all night on the weekends and then trying to get up early for class on Monday screws up your body’s biological clock and set’s you up for insomnia. Advice: Try to go to bed around the same time each night. If you have to stay up super late each night to squeeze in homework and study time, that should be a clue for you that you’re taking on too much. Look at your extracurriculars, class load and other activities and see if there’s something you could cut back on to free up some relaxation time. Sleep is a non-negotiable essential. 5. Get moving. Richard Kadison, M.D., author of College of the Overwhelmed: The Campus Mental Health Crisis and What To Do About It, says that there’s good evidence for milder forms of depression, four days of 30 minutes of cardiovascular exercise works as well as antidepressant medication. Exercise doesn’t have to mean running on a treadmill for 30 minutes or sweating on a stair master. Students: Don’t have time to go to the gym? Go outside and take a 20-minute walk, squeeze in a 30-minute exercise video in between classes or grab a friend and take a bike ride. Only have 10 minutes to spare? Pop in your favorite CD and dance around your dorm room. The laugh you’ll get from this exercise may be all you need to keep stress at bay. Leave me a comment below and share your thoughts. I'd LOVE to discuss this with you. http://www.campuscalm.com

For high school and college students, stress is often inescapable. Between mounds of homework, that crappy retail job, work study, and trying to figure out what you want to do with the rest of your life … um, headache anyone? However, how we choose to deal with stress is totally within our control. If you’re looking for some tips on how to lower your stress levels, read ahead:

1. Wage war with your mirror. Want to stress less about your body? Strip your mirror’s power over you. Understand that how we see ourselves in a mirror determines how we see ourselves in every aspect of our lives. If we spend twenty minutes in front of a mirror criticizing every inch of our bodies, how can we possibly act confidently once we leave our bedrooms? Self-assured women and men know that self-love is the key to success. Tip: Stand in front of your mirror and say, “I am beautiful – flaws and all” for as long as it takes you to believe it.

2. Don’t overload your schedule. Whether that means cutting back on extracurricular activities, giving up your part-time job, or simply learning better time management skills, every student should find the right work/life balance that best suits your needs. Listen to your body. It’ll tell you loud and clear if it’s being taxed. College students: Be especially careful not to take on too many classes in one semester. I double majored in English and History and picked up a minor in Writing. By my last semester of my senior year, I needed 18 credit hours to graduate on time. So I overloaded my schedule on top of working part-time. The stress was WAY too much and I cracked.

3. Stay out of the credit card trap. I know, I know. They keep sending you these great credit card offers in the mail with the promise of a free t-shirt and that book you need to buy for Chem. 1 is $120 and you just spent your last cent on dinner with friends the night before and your parents will shoot you if you call home to beg for more cash. Credit cards are tempting and there’s nothing wrong with owning a couple as long as you exercise caution. Tip: Don’t charge more than you know you can pay off when the bill is due. Otherwise, you’ll end up paying around 20% interest. Plus, if you simply pay the minimum payment (or worse, rack up late fees), that $60 jacket you charged six months ago will end up costing you way more than you ever imagined. Did you know that the average credit card debt owed by college students is about $2,700, with close to a quarter of students owing more than $3,000? About 10 percent owed more than $7,000! That’s not even including your student loans. Bottom Line: Pay cash whenever you can and keep your plastic on ice!

4. Catch up on some ZZZs. Did you know that sleep problems are generally the most common physical complaint of college students – and of the rest of the general U.S. population? Of course you know this, as you’re lying awake at night watching the clock! Maybe you didn’t know that a lack of sleep could actually cause student anxiety and depression. Staying out all night on the weekends and then trying to get up early for class on Monday screws up your body’s biological clock and set’s you up for insomnia. Advice: Try to go to bed around the same time each night. If you have to stay up super late each night to squeeze in homework and study time, that should be a clue for you that you’re taking on too much. Look at your extracurriculars, class load and other activities and see if there’s something you could cut back on to free up some relaxation time. Sleep is a non-negotiable essential.

5. Get moving. Richard Kadison, M.D., author of College of the Overwhelmed: The Campus Mental Health Crisis and What To Do About It, says that there’s good evidence for milder forms of depression, four days of 30 minutes of cardiovascular exercise works as well as antidepressant medication. Exercise doesn’t have to mean running on a treadmill for 30 minutes or sweating on a stair master. Students: Don’t have time to go to the gym? Go outside and take a 20-minute walk, squeeze in a 30-minute exercise video in between classes or grab a friend and take a bike ride. Only have 10 minutes to spare? Pop in your favorite CD and dance around your dorm room. The laugh you’ll get from this exercise may be all you need to keep stress at bay.

Leave me a comment below and share your thoughts. I'd LOVE to discuss this with you.

Maria signature

]]> "New Year's Resolutions: Love, Me." http://creativetypeco.com/blog/index.php/2006/12/29/new_year_s_resolutions_love_me 2006-12-29T22:21:45Z Maria Pascucci Identity http://www.campuscalm.com I started a new trend two years ago on New Year's Eve, which also happens to be my birthday. Instead of writing a rigid list of resolutions for the next year, I write myself a thank you note, highlighting all my accomplishments, big and small, from the previous year. When I take the time to write down everything I achieved, I'm usually in awe by what I've learned and how much I've grown. But I didn't always feel that way. When I was 16, I wrote in my journal, "I have set many goals for myself and I will not be satisfied until I've achieved them all." Every night I was in my room doing endless hours of homework while my friends were out having fun. "C'mon, Maria. We're going skating," they'd plead over the phone. Sorry, paper's due. "We're going out for ice cream." Nope. Sorry. "Don't you want to have fun?" Sigh. I dove into my books and told myself it'll all be worth it someday. It was as if some relentless mandate for success had been programmed into my brain, moving me like a salmon determined to swim upstream. It was a never-ending storm of expectations that was swallowing me whole. Perfect grades. Perfect college. Perfect career. Perfect life. Perfect looks. Pay attention world. I'll show you how it's done. In 2001, I walked across a spotlighted stage with tears in my eyes and accepted my summa cum laude college diploma while my family snapped pictures and beamed with pride. I was crying not because all my dreams had come true, but because I had stressed myself out to the point of being sick. And worse, my childhood dream to be a writer was as lifeless and empty as my blank journal page taunting me to compose one word more perfect than the next. From somewhere inside echoed these words: You're not a writer, you fake. You'll never be good enough. You'll never take that risk. Coward. You with the perfect grades. It means nothing. You're nothing. A psychologist once told me that a perfectionist might have to hit a wall in order to make a personal choice to cut herself some slack. I hit mine walking across that stage. FINALLY. Plowed right into it with my little perfect existence. My eyes were really opened for the first time in my life; I was a newborn taking my first peak at a frightfully glorious world. This message really hit home at my grandfather's bedside one sunny September afternoon in the ICU. While the cancer shut down Grandpa's body one cell at a time and all I wanted to do was wrap myself in the moment and never let him go, he told me, "Maria, don't stay in here. It's beautiful outside. Go. You have better things to do." He understood. He knew that life was precious and that I should seek out its treasures before I would have to say goodbye. How bitter would my goodbyes be someday if I looked back and realized I'd never really lived? Not too long ago, I leapt off a lofty cliff and decided to live my dream of becoming an entrepreneur and a writer. My husband fully supported my decision even though it meant he would become the main breadwinner until my business took off. Unfortunately, not everyone in my life had been so wonderful. Some "friends" and relatives refuse to believe that I work just because I happen to set up shop from home. Not long ago, I would have internalized their criticism and allowed them to dictate my definition of success. But not anymore. I realize now that I don't have to live up to their expectations. I know that as long as I follow my heart, I'm doing my education proud. And more importantly, I'm doing myself proud. I finally realize that I'm good enough after all ... and I always have been. A young woman writer recently asked, "I can be anything I want so how do I choose?" For New Year's '07, I think I'll send myself this thank you note: "Thank you for accepting yourself and being happy with that." Love, Me. Leave me feedback at the end of this entry. I'd love to hear from you! http://www.campuscalm.com

I started a new trend two years ago on New Year's Eve, which also happens to be my birthday. Instead of writing a rigid list of resolutions for the next year, I write myself a thank you note, highlighting all my accomplishments, big and small, from the previous year. When I take the time to write down everything I achieved, I'm usually in awe by what I've learned and how much I've grown.

But I didn't always feel that way.

When I was 16, I wrote in my journal, "I have set many goals for myself and I will not be satisfied until I've achieved them all." Every night I was in my room doing endless hours of homework while my friends were out having fun. "C'mon, Maria. We're going skating," they'd plead over the phone. Sorry, paper's due. "We're going out for ice cream." Nope. Sorry. "Don't you want to have fun?" Sigh. I dove into my books and told myself it'll all be worth it someday.

It was as if some relentless mandate for success had been programmed into my brain, moving me like a salmon determined to swim upstream. It was a never-ending storm of expectations that was swallowing me whole. Perfect grades. Perfect college. Perfect career. Perfect life. Perfect looks. Pay attention world. I'll show you how it's done.

In 2001, I walked across a spotlighted stage with tears in my eyes and accepted my summa cum laude college diploma while my family snapped pictures and beamed with pride. I was crying not because all my dreams had come true, but because I had stressed myself out to the point of being sick. And worse, my childhood dream to be a writer was as lifeless and empty as my blank journal page taunting me to compose one word more perfect than the next. From somewhere inside echoed these words: You're not a writer, you fake. You'll never be good enough. You'll never take that risk. Coward. You with the perfect grades. It means nothing. You're nothing.

A psychologist once told me that a perfectionist might have to hit a wall in order to make a personal choice to cut herself some slack. I hit mine walking across that stage. FINALLY. Plowed right into it with my little perfect existence. My eyes were really opened for the first time in my life; I was a newborn taking my first peak at a frightfully glorious world.

This message really hit home at my grandfather's bedside one sunny September afternoon in the ICU. While the cancer shut down Grandpa's body one cell at a time and all I wanted to do was wrap myself in the moment and never let him go, he told me, "Maria, don't stay in here. It's beautiful outside. Go. You have better things to do." He understood. He knew that life was precious and that I should seek out its treasures before I would have to say goodbye. How bitter would my goodbyes be someday if I looked back and realized I'd never really lived?

Not too long ago, I leapt off a lofty cliff and decided to live my dream of becoming an entrepreneur and a writer. My husband fully supported my decision even though it meant he would become the main breadwinner until my business took off. Unfortunately, not everyone in my life had been so wonderful.

Some "friends" and relatives refuse to believe that I work just because I happen to set up shop from home. Not long ago, I would have internalized their criticism and allowed them to dictate my definition of success. But not anymore. I realize now that I don't have to live up to their expectations. I know that as long as I follow my heart, I'm doing my education proud. And more importantly, I'm doing myself proud. I finally realize that I'm good enough after all ... and I always have been.

A young woman writer recently asked, "I can be anything I want so how do I choose?" For New Year's '07, I think I'll send myself this thank you note: "Thank you for accepting yourself and being happy with that."

Love,

Me.

Leave me feedback at the end of this entry. I'd love to hear from you!

Maria signature

]]> Students: 4 Ways to Stop the Comparison Game & Unleash Your Unique Talents http://creativetypeco.com/blog/index.php/2006/11/09/students_4_ways_to_stop_the_comparison_g 2006-11-09T22:01:15Z Maria Pascucci Student Health http://www.campuscalm.com There will always be a classmate who gets better grades, wins more awards, seems so put together. Maybe she'll graduate at top of her class and go on to an Ivy League college. Land the best job. Flaunt the most impressive portfolio. Maybe she'll marry well and boast the brightest kids. Do you think that's the only way to reach success? Guess what? It's not! When I was in my senior year of college, a guy beat me out by less than a point for having the highest grade point average in the English department, where we had both majored. Like me, he was graduating summa cum laude. Unlike me, he was going off to graduate school to become a college professor. I was battling depression, daily stomachaches and a paralyzing uncertainty about the future. That student who had beaten me by the tiniest of margins seemed so pulled together, calm and collected. I had the grades, the accolades, and the respect of my family. Yet, I was falling apart on the inside. I had cracked under the pressure. So I felt like a failure. Successful by my own standards Then my fiancé (now husband of four years) brought me home a book of quotes and one in particular changed my outlook. Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." I realized at that moment that I was measuring my self-worth by how well the person next to me was doing. I didn't even respect those standards I was using to judge myself by! Just recently, I came across a 27-year-old writer's website. She was exactly my age. She had penned five books, interned at The New Yorker, been published worldwide, been interviewed by Oprah. I admit it. I momentarily started the comparison game, and I came up on the losing end. Then I emailed that writer and told her how much I admired her success at such a young age and how I was actually a little intimidated by it. She emailed me back and said that her web designer hadn't updated her site in a while and that she was actually three years older than me! But more importantly, I was reminded once again that the world is a big enough place for us all to celebrate and learn from each other's successes -- if one person succeeds, it doesn't mean the other person fails by comparison. If you want to learn how to discover your unique skills and inner strength, you need to stop measuring them by other people's standards. Stop the comparison game today: •Realize that every person's situation is unique. Every single person in this world has a unique set of strengths and skills that no other person possesses. The key to discovering them is to look inside. So what if the guy next to you has a better grade point average and enough extracurriculars to fill a book. So what if the girl two doors down the street from your parents is a gifted musician who made it into Juilliard and is headed for New York City. Do their accomplishments somehow make you less talented? Less worthy? •Develop your own strengths. Our interests and experiences shape us all in different ways. That means that we are all experts in some area. The key is finding something you are passionate about and then having the courage to develop it. Whether that means perfecting your painter's stroke to create murals on clients' living room walls, or using your love of technology to develop the latest computer software program, you absolutely have something of value to offer this world. If you're in high school, talk to your favorite teacher or guidance counselor about your passions and talents. If you're a college student, consider visiting your career center and making an appointment to speak with a counselor. My college career counselor helped me more than I could possibly say when it came to developing confidence in my strengths and building my career. •Network with those same people you feel intimidated by. Locate people who are working in your dream career and request an information interview. Sounds scary, huh? It's really quite simple. I used to love reading a weekly column about women in my local newspaper so I e-mailed the author. I complimented her, told her I was interested in learning more about her career and asked if I could take 15 minutes of her time to ask a few questions. Well, that truly awesome lady gave me an hour and a half of her time, took me to lunch, and introduced me around the newsroom. Today, she's one of my biggest champions. Don't be afraid to contact people and ask questions. Adults like to feel important and will most likely LOVE the opportunity to talk about their jobs! •Surround Yourself with Optimistic People. If you want to develop your inner strength, surrounding yourself with people who glow from the inside out is the way to do it. People who love their lives and take pride in living each day to the fullest. Join clubs, volunteer, reach out to those people who share your interests. While you're busy having fun and making new friends, watch how quickly your own self-confidence begins to soar! No comparisons necessary. Leave me feedback at the end of this entry. I'd love to hear from you! http://www.campuscalm.com

There will always be a classmate who gets better grades, wins more awards, seems so put together. Maybe she'll graduate at top of her class and go on to an Ivy League college. Land the best job. Flaunt the most impressive portfolio. Maybe she'll marry well and boast the brightest kids. Do you think that's the only way to reach success? Guess what? It's not!

When I was in my senior year of college, a guy beat me out by less than a point for having the highest grade point average in the English department, where we had both majored. Like me, he was graduating summa cum laude. Unlike me, he was going off to graduate school to become a college professor. I was battling depression, daily stomachaches and a paralyzing uncertainty about the future. That student who had beaten me by the tiniest of margins seemed so pulled together, calm and collected. I had the grades, the accolades, and the respect of my family. Yet, I was falling apart on the inside. I had cracked under the pressure. So I felt like a failure.

Successful by my own standards

Then my fiancé (now husband of four years) brought me home a book of quotes and one in particular changed my outlook. Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." I realized at that moment that I was measuring my self-worth by how well the person next to me was doing. I didn't even respect those standards I was using to judge myself by!

Just recently, I came across a 27-year-old writer's website. She was exactly my age. She had penned five books, interned at The New Yorker, been published worldwide, been interviewed by Oprah. I admit it. I momentarily started the comparison game, and I came up on the losing end. Then I emailed that writer and told her how much I admired her success at such a young age and how I was actually a little intimidated by it. She emailed me back and said that her web designer hadn't updated her site in a while and that she was actually three years older than me! But more importantly, I was reminded once again that the world is a big enough place for us all to celebrate and learn from each other's successes -- if one person succeeds, it doesn't mean the other person fails by comparison.

If you want to learn how to discover your unique skills and inner strength, you need to stop measuring them by other people's standards.

Stop the comparison game today:

•Realize that every person's situation is unique. Every single person in this world has a unique set of strengths and skills that no other person possesses. The key to discovering them is to look inside. So what if the guy next to you has a better grade point average and enough extracurriculars to fill a book. So what if the girl two doors down the street from your parents is a gifted musician who made it into Juilliard and is headed for New York City. Do their accomplishments somehow make you less talented? Less worthy?

•Develop your own strengths. Our interests and experiences shape us all in different ways. That means that we are all experts in some area. The key is finding something you are passionate about and then having the courage to develop it. Whether that means perfecting your painter's stroke to create murals on clients' living room walls, or using your love of technology to develop the latest computer software program, you absolutely have something of value to offer this world. If you're in high school, talk to your favorite teacher or guidance counselor about your passions and talents. If you're a college student, consider visiting your career center and making an appointment to speak with a counselor. My college career counselor helped me more than I could possibly say when it came to developing confidence in my strengths and building my career.

•Network with those same people you feel intimidated by. Locate people who are working in your dream career and request an information interview. Sounds scary, huh? It's really quite simple. I used to love reading a weekly column about women in my local newspaper so I e-mailed the author. I complimented her, told her I was interested in learning more about her career and asked if I could take 15 minutes of her time to ask a few questions. Well, that truly awesome lady gave me an hour and a half of her time, took me to lunch, and introduced me around the newsroom. Today, she's one of my biggest champions. Don't be afraid to contact people and ask questions. Adults like to feel important and will most likely LOVE the opportunity to talk about their jobs!

•Surround Yourself with Optimistic People. If you want to develop your inner strength, surrounding yourself with people who glow from the inside out is the way to do it. People who love their lives and take pride in living each day to the fullest. Join clubs, volunteer, reach out to those people who share your interests. While you're busy having fun and making new friends, watch how quickly your own self-confidence begins to soar! No comparisons necessary.

Leave me feedback at the end of this entry. I'd love to hear from you!

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